Those who say do not know, Those who know do not say

This is going to be an odd post. I'll warn you.  Some left over's from yesterday and today is not unfolding quite as I had hoped, planned or expected.

Body - Well, I almost had a damn heart attack at Wallgreen's yesterday.  This is not so good for the body, as you can imagine.  I posted this on my Facebook "If the drugs you are prescribed by  your doctor cause you to have a heart attack, can you sue them?  Or should they just install fainting couches in all pharmacies? "  Mixed response so far.  But the lovely aspect of that moment at Walgreen's was that I found out one of the drugs I take daily is now $450.00 because we switched to a health savings plan.  I didn't quite 'get' what that meant. This, I can tell you, is not good for your body, art or soul.

 I'm beginning to believe it's a 'savings plan' because you are too scared to find out what the costs are before you hit your deductible.  In the long run it will be good, given the amount of visits and prescriptions I require each year but in the short run, I might need oxygen. I even unloaded the groceries and said to the refrigerator "Enjoy them.  It might be a while before they're back".  Yes, I said I talked TO the refrigerator.

I did make my appointments with my doctors though and I actually got a full night's rest.  BIG!!  I am also doing this goofy 5 things of 25 3 times today.  You do 5 things for 25 reps 3 times during one day.  Sit-ups, lunges, curls, you get the pictures.  Is practicing not fainting one them? :)

Art - I'm leaving after posting this to pick up my brand spankin' new easel.  Found one for 55% off at Plaza (again, I love them) and I'm going to cram it in the back of my marshmallow (my white Hyundai Santa Fe) then pick up a friend so that she doesn't have to drive a baby blue Ford something and pick her child up from school (that's part of the soul thing; helping others).

But the HUGE thing that happened was last night at dinner with the four J's  (Jim, Jeff, Justin, Julia) , me and Emma.  It seems that one of the J's knows someone who is trying to break into the textile market here in the States and needs help with access, marketing and possibly textile design!!!!  I just checked my email and received their numbers (digits as the under 30 say) and I shall be setting that up tomorrow.

The last thing I did was to contact my friend who has written the children's books to set up a time for her to come look at my paintings, graphic design and see if this could gel out for both of  us.

All in all. Very good Art day, which helps my soul, which then relaxes my body.  Are you getting this yet?

OK, so the soul part.  My soul was a bit achy this a.m. as I wasn't quite as forthcoming with my heart issues and ended up hurting someone.  It was not intentional.  I just didn't think that having an arhythmea    5 times in a row was that big of a deal, until my best friend said "Um, you need to go to your doctor.  You haven't had those since before your surgery".  She is married to a heart surgeon.  OK OK

You have to understand that I really don't think dying is that big of a deal.  Don't get me wrong. I would miss ANY ONE of my friends and family.  I would mourn horribly for some of them, but death is a part of life.  And on the other hand, if I died, well, so be it.  I don't fear it. I didn't fear it when I was given the big death sentence.  Plus, I think I'd be a great ghost. I've already told my kids that I would haunt them in a happy way (smiley faces in the mirrors with steam, open my favorite books  like the Poison Wood Bible, rearrange their underwear drawers).  And yes, they think that's creepy.

But I don't think any of us really 'leave' anything. We are all so connected, ALL of us.  And then there is the thought that I would come back as something.  I would probably be a hairless dog.  Ugly, freezing, and allergic to myself.  So you see, I don't take any of this seriously.  When it's your time; it's YOUR time.  End of story.

So what am I going to do today to help others and my soul?  Already mentioned the assistance with the car thing.  I am going to talk to my step sister here in a second to confirm a Louisville trip this Saturday to talk about the well being of my father and step mother.  It is weighing on my soul very heavily.  It will lighten my soul immensely to know we have a plan in place that will help the two of them.

My step mother has been an absolute rock in my life.  I call her a walking little Jesus Christ.  She's only 5'1 but spiritually is larger than whomever the world's tallest person is.  She has nudged me back on my path throughout my life and helped me through one of the most difficult things in my life (and it wasn't my illness).  Now she has alzheimer's.  It's not to the point of a 'home' yet but it's to the point where we need to make sure she's ok and not by herself while Dad is flying around for Food For The Poor.

HE, on the other hand has a degenerative lung disease that is slowly killing him.  Which of course, is killing part of my soul.  One of the most appropriate and funniest things my Dad ever said to me was when I was a Freshman in college at UK.  It was really the first time since I was a young child that we had spent so much time together.  He looked at me and said "I am sorry.  Damn. It's hard enough being me and being a man, I can't imagine what it's like being me and being a woman. "  HA!  So the trip to Louisville is key to the soul.

But one of the things I'm doing today encompasses it all; body, art and soul.  I am baking two batches of cookies; rolled oats with cherries and chocolate and rolled oats with ginger.  YUM!

Love that picture of my Dad because not only does he not LOOK like a priest but his horse apparently doesn't think much of the conversation at hand.

Oops! Forgot.  Dinner last night was pan seared snapper with a mediterranean ragout (basically thinly sliced red potatoes, olives, artichoke hearts, tomatoes, garlic and lemon) and spinach salad with apples and goat cheese with a pomegranate vinegarette.  Did I spell that correctly?