All in Need

A few years ago I went on a Christmas/Birthday vacation to the beach with most of my family.  It was my step-mother's 60th Birthday, it was Christmas, she wanted all the kids together to celebrate and she loved the beach so we headed down to a beautiful spot at the very end of Alabama.  Having grown up in Alabama, I had never been there.  We always went to Florida instead.  We nicknamed any beach in Alabama the "Red Neck Riviera".  We're tacky, what can we say?  And this coming from a family who grew up in an apartment with no vacations I can honestly remember.  

Dad rented two beautiful homes right on the beach with a golf course (all the men in the family golf, I think Dad did some ritual on them to ensure this before we married them).  We arrived at night so we really couldn't see anything, but we could feel the beach.  I could feel the beach.   


I love the ocean.  I love the smell of the ocean breeze, I love sand in my toes and hair, I love drip drying in the sun.  I love keeping the door open so I can hear the waves.  I love the exhaustion that comes from swimming non-stop for hours at a time. I love sleeping in the sun. I love snorkeling.  I love seeing this entire world that you can't see unless you're under the water. And the quiet peacefulness of that.  I love everything about it.  


That night we all tucked in, I opened the door to hear the waves and slept like I had returned back to my home. I awoke the next morning, crammed a piece of toast in the kids' mouths, shewed the husbands out the door to golf and ran to the beach.  Giddy.  I took Julia, Emma and Olivia (my two daughters and their cousin) while everyone else was doing whatever they were doing.  


We stepped up on the sand and literally I could not see ONE SINGLE HUMAN BEING in either direction.  It was probably 68 degrees, a nice slow breeze, the sand was warm but not hot.  But if you dug down a little deeper it was chilly.  The water was cool but not cold.  And it was quiet.  All I could hear was the sound of the children laughing.  It was heaven for me.

Then I all of the sudden said to myself "Am I dead?"  Did I die last night and this is what heaven is?  Because, for me, a beach, the sound of children laughing, wind in my hair, sun on my face and not having one conceivable worry in my head is heaven.  The ultimate bonus was NO ONE else was there.  No one!  Really? Am I dead?


The funniest part was I had almost convinced myself that indeed I was dead until I heard a woman say "Enjoy it.  Can you imagine a more beautiful place?"  and walked down the stairs and disappeared.  


I told my Dad this when we all had dinner.  He laughed and Jim, Joel and Dad all said "That's exactly what we thought!  We were on a golf course, on a perfect day and NO ONE else was there.  We thought we had died."  We all just cracked up.  The kids didn't seem to get the humor.  


That feeling of 'this is almost too good' is where I am.  I feel like things are going so well that I'm going to drop dead.  Don't laugh. Most people call it 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' but I'm a bit more dramatic with my thoughts; death is surely before a tiny shoe.  I've handled boat loads of shoes at the same time.  That, I can handle.  As long as they aren't 4" platform stiletto heels (which, by the way seem to be on every ad, picture and magazine cover.  Since when did being a pole dancer become main stream?).  


My whirlwind tour of Georgia went extraordinarily well.  Too well.  Freakishly well.  So well, that one of my oldest friends in the world is going to partner with me on the textiles. Too many details, but it is a perfect fit for both of us and we don't have to worry about all of the 'what if's' because we've known each other for, dare I say it, 19 years.  EEEK.  Ok, it's out.  We're deciding on a business name at the moment.  Too much wine, too many funny stories and a wicked sense of humor might have us named "Edna Bubba".   That was for all my gals who went to the Bahamas with me for my 40th.  To the grave girls.  To the grave.  


The possibilities are literally endless right now.  And all the while I was staying with my soul sister in Atlanta plotting rituals for our Yuccah tribe children.  THAT is another story... but oh, the power of a 13 year olds' imagination....  


BODY:   I am trying to stay awake.  SO much to do, thoughts rambling non-stop and me not sleeping because of all of these thoughts make me skittered.  I'm going to join something. Something that has a set time where I need to be to exercise because, I just can't motivate myself to do it, mainly because I am starring at everything I need to do in my office.  


I did, however,  hire a friend to help get me organized on all of this.  That sounds so, so , ew. But I can't do this without her.  I don't have time to paint, sketch, come up with textile ideas, make the phone calls, find a studio (which, I think Sarah came through AGAIN for me), make the appointments,  blah blah and still be a Mom and wife.  Did someone say Celebrity Rehab? Maybe there should be a non-celebrity rehab. Oh wait, that's called INTERVENTION.  


SOUL:  Yen/Yang again.  Here I am getting some of the best news of my life in Atlanta/Columbus.  I return Wednesday to a sick red head so I snuggled her and laughed with her until she got to feeling better.  Then I read my emails and found out that a friend's husband died Saturday morning.  Died. Died of pneumonia.  Died. I was dumbfounded.  She has two small children and the most beautiful smile I've ever seen.  I had recently seen her and her beautiful children at the Nutcracker where a mutual friends' daughter was a mouse.  I can't imagine the pain she is in.  The celebration of his life is tomorrow and I will be there. Sometimes the English language doesn't come close to expressing our emotions.  Since she is French, I'm sure she would agree that the French language doesn't do much better of a job either.


Then I got a phone call reminding me of Room In The Inn.  What I had forgotten was the meal for 15 people that I was making the next day.   Entree, salad, bread.   Totally forgot.  So, I meet with my new lovely assistant about everything that needs to be done, have a phone meeting with the owner of the furniture company, pick up the girls from school and throw together two different pots of white turkey chili and grubbin' chicken soup along with a salad of cranberries, mixed greens, cucumbers, bleu cheese crumbles and two huge french bread loaves, all in 1 hour. I was supposed to make a pot each for us as well, but time was ticking.  I felt like those chefs on those shows; Chopped and Iron Chef.  No wonder those people sweat like pigs!  Hey wait.  THAT could be exercise, right? 


But you know what?  After I dropped off the food for them, and didn't have anything made for us :)  I felt better.  The girls delivered it with me.  I want them to SEE the action of doing for others.  Helping people move, paint their houses, feed the hungry (which includes your own friends), DO.  Not just throw a pair of worn out jeans in the back of a Goodwill truck and drive away or write a check to some organization that you have only heard of. 


I want them to look into the eyes of those in need because quite frankly, we are ALL in need.  For something. 

Pressure Light is ON

I've had one of the best days, accidentally and purposefully surrounded by good friends, old friends and new friends.  Blathering out everything that is going on in my life right now and listening to what's up in theirs.  Loved that.  At coffee shops as if we were 'people' to be seen.  I was dressed, brushed, cleaned and spiffied up by 8 a.m. and one of my friends nearly fainted.  She's only seen me in a robe or yoga pants yawning in the morning.  Hulloo!!

I had breakfast with one, late lunch with another.  Very different people but great none the less.  I was surprised by how similar our families really are/were; mainly spiritually.   I am delighted that we can laugh about that.  Of course, there really isn't much I can't laugh about.  I inherited that on both sides.  ALL of my family laughs first then says "Oh. Are you OK?"  Stairs seem to be the biggest source of laughter for us.  Mainly because we are attempting to fall down as many as we possibly can in our lifetimes.  It's FUNNY!

I am caffeinated and ready to pack for tomorrow.  Off to play, to do business, see old friends, check out the space for what looks to be a terrific evening in May for my art and to dip my big toe into the textile business.  All of this whilst my light keeps reading "low tire pressure".

I just spent an hour and a half on the phone with dealerships, service warranty people, and jackasses.  But, I got it resolved.  Sometimes you just need to nudge someone towards actually WANTING to find out the information for someone.  Amazing that one.

The conversation went something like this.  "I don't see you in our computers at all.  Sorry. Can't help you. Call the dealership."   "Well, *#@!, why don't you give me the dealership's number since I'm sitting in a carpool line?"  "I'm uh. I don't".  "You are at a computer. Look it up. Internet's pretty good with those things"  then I get the dealership and it goes like this "well, you didn't buy it from our dealership and uh, well, I can't see you until next week."  "Oh..I see. Well, Matt, I will be driving from here to Atlanta, back to Chattanooga, back to Atlanta, to Columbus, back up to Atlanta and then back to Nashville.  I won't be returning until Wednesday. My CHILD will be in the car with me, I apparently don't show up in the service agreement computer and my pressure light is on.  What might you suggest?"

I won't relay the rest, as I might incriminate the guilty.  Suffice it to say, I am now in the computer and I will be getting my oil changed and the tire looked at tomorrow.  Lovely.  I wish I could have had MY pressure taken during all of this.  Maybe not.

But the 'pressure' is still on.  The pressure to do well, to have a good show, to make this textiles thing work, to create more, to donate to the Art de Moore auction, to illustrate 2 of someone else's books and mine AND to see the printing guru.  It's a lot of pressure...... AND I'm hanging it all out there like a bare butt to the wind.

My body is reacting pretty well, although yesterday, after having a scrumptious lunch with my beautiful French friend for her birthday and picking up the children, I simply crashed.  Dead to the world.

I am still losing weight, eating well, need more cucumber water.  The orange water didn't make me happy yesterday. Maybe it was the decadent dessert I had with lunch.  It was worth a weeks' worth of calories.  Some rum chocolate mousse at Firefly's.  I adore that place.  Love the atmosphere; eclectic, arty, funky like me, but their food is just delicious.

But today I'm driven.  Lots to do. Love deadlines.  They are like rules for other people, to me.  They jerk me into focus.  Rules, on the other hand, sort make me want to go the wrong way..... Or had you not noticed.

 My soul has been uplifted by the outpour of good feedback I'm getting about all these endeavors.   And contrary to some of my family members' ideas, one of my great friends said today "Everything about you is spiritual.  How could anyone think otherwise?"  We were just talking about the miracles of every day life that are around us and that all I SEE sometimes is the beauty around me.  Some people just don't.  They need black and white. Rules.  Sinner/Saint.  And when  your life is that rigid, for me, you don't see the everyday beauty in the gift of homemade soup or a bunny hopping across the street or a smile from a complete stranger.  You miss out on so much.

Maybe we should all have 'pressure' gauges.  That way we could see, both in ourselves and others, just where we are at that very moment.  Are we open for the road; pot holes and all or are we slowly leaking or just plain flat?

Intertwined branches/long conversations

Have you ever noticed when you look at a group of trees, whether leafless or not, their branches look so beautifully intertwined?  Like long conversations between them all.  You really can't see where one begins and one ends.  And when they are full of leaves, their secrets are tucked into them.  You can't see the birds, the nests, both abandoned and newly created.  Nor can you see the thousands of bugs, caterpillars, and the occasional shoe.   


My life is like that right now.  Each project I have, most especially the art, is a leafless tree of sorts and it's intertwined with the others.  How can they not be?  But to look at it from a distance they look like one room filled with canvases; none of them distinct.  And I'm having to dart from one to the next like those squirrels in the snow this weekend. They skitter.  I can't think of a better word for it.  That's how I'm feeling right now.  Skittered. Textiles, now book, now art show, now editing, now hurting friends, now doctors appointments, now relationships, now children with hot fires, red cheeks and fast sleds.  But I do have a smile on my face.  Is that what separates us from the squirrels?  Smiles and hopefully brain size?  


Body
So excellent news this week.  My heart, my cholesterol (both good and bad), my lipids, my whatever are all in excellent shape!  All blood work came back outstanding.  The nurse on the phone was astounded that I wasn't on any medication... I smiled a wry smile and said "Well, none for that".  


GO me! All that good food, fresh ingredients, non-processed crap and I must bow down to the cucumber water have paid off.

There is only one number that is considered normal but low and it has something to do with exercising.  On the old exercise note.  I tried to 'ski' down my back porch this morning while taking the dogs out in my robe and slippers.  I think I know why they are called SLIPPERS now!  Because every single muscle in my body was tense does that count as exercise? AND I held on to the dogs, who were eager to bolt as if in the Iditarod. After that beautiful moment of humility, I swept the back porch of all snow and ice.  You know, so my CHILDREN don't fall down. Wink Wink. I think I get extra points for that one.  


Art
Skittered but productive.  I keep dreaming of the textile designs.  The big meeting is a week from tomorrow.  Lots to work on but I am crossing fingers, toes, and whatever else I can get my hands on.  Working on color combinations. This could be endless.


I finished the background of another painting last night right at midnight.  And I didn't even turn into a pumpkin.  It's Kiev. I chose it because my husband and one of our best friends went last September. 


All of my paintings are over-layed with nature; flowers, branches, leaves and I'm just now figuring this out.  I have a HUGE squirrel brain. 

The next one of Kiev I won't paint over.  I think I will give it as a gift to our friend.  I know he's seen Kiev 9 million times, but sometimes a fresh perspective gives you a new insight on all things. He is a brilliant, kind, funny, deeply caring person who needs to be given something back other than my fabulous gourmet meals. 
See... branches.


And the books.  Well, I've researched my bunnies and poppies but I've also thought about including one of my favorite artists/people I know to work with me.  She does multi-media. Gorgeous pieces that are woven through with such intimacy and insight. I don't know how or if this will work but the worst thing that could happen is we both get inspired to do other things.  Branches...


Ruth's books are sitting there quietly talking to me.  I can't quite decide on my background for one of them.  I think a library trip is in order.  


Soul

This should say music. I painted for hours last night and of course am listening to it right now.  I had a friend who said something along the lines of "I think I could define where I was in each part of my life by listening to music".  Brilliant.  I completely agreed.  Music is such an integral part of my life.  I have different types for different moods or intentions.  If I want to be paint, inspired, put to sleep, feel completely at ease, sing as loud as my lungs will allow, laugh, smile, reflect, cry, I will put my music on.  And I love Pandora.  It is fantastic! It has introduced me to musicians that I probably never would have been exposed to.


That's where the soul seeps into the conversation.  It is in each stroke of the brush, each part of the conversation, each daily action.  It is in the cereal you eat, the wine you drink, the smile you give the grocery check out gal. 


We are one big forest of trees; intertwined branches and long conversations.  


If you listen to David Gray, Ray Lamontagne, Amos Lee, Bob Marley, Damien Rice, Emmy Lou Harris, Frank Sinatra, Donavon Frankenreiter, Michael Franti, Tracy Chapman, Patty Griffin, Ryan Adams and Ladysmith Black Mombazo all in one night, like I did, you can't help but feel connected in on long conversation.  


And finally, something I came up with as we awoke to 4" of snow that quickly turned in to 6".   

Peaceful white snow continues to fall as if all those snowflakes are the wishes we've been making.....